When teens go through my programs the tools they get start them on a path to making decisions that they are proud of, feel good about, and help them communicate more authentically. Though that sounds idyllic, they typically run into obstacles. I love it when they come back with questions.
In our last blog Naomi wrote about her pattern of pleasing her mom and how she is now starting to use her chosen virtues to make decisions and think through situation. Naomi continues on this path and is now faced with the courage it takes to do this.
Naomi has since shared, “Hey Dr. Kim. Hope all is well. It’s been about 2 weeks and a lot has happened it seems. Now that I have been more aware of my virtues and have been trying to implement them into my everyday experiences, I’ve noticed a lot of things. I’m having more trouble with my courage as of late. And as a reflection of that my authenticity shifts when I interact with different people, especially at work.”
Here’s how to address the challenge of finding the courage you need to live by your virtues.
How To Find The Courage To Choose Your Virtues
Having fear when implementing your virtues is to be expected. Even though you know it’s the best path, it’s new. There are a lot of unknowns. Let’s uncover what it means to be courageous and I think you’ll have a great way to move through your fear and live your virtues more fully.
Courage is defined as doing something despite being fearful. Imagine if for the first time you were going sky diving or bungee jumping. You might take some time to gather your nerves. You might even change your mind several times. But the idea that you want to challenge your fear of heights might matter to you. In fact, it may matter so much that you take baby steps until you are ready to go for it.
Being Emotionally Safe
With respect to authenticity, it takes practice when we live in a world that has so many expectations of who we should or shouldn’t be, or how we should or shouldn’t behave. Being authentic doesn’t mean that we are required to put ourselves in emotionally dangerous situations. And being authentic takes practice.
One question to ask yourself when you are feeling that you are being disingenuous with a coworker or your mom is, “What is the best way to be authentic and keep myself emotionally safe?” Perhaps you might choose to say nothing or walk away. Perhaps you need more time to think about.
What matters MOST is that you are AWARE of who you have chosen to be and you are living your life according to those standards, to the best of your ability. Remember to be gentle with yourself.
If you’re like Naomi, a young women living in her mother’s home it’s important to keep this in mind… As long as we are dependent on others we are required to respect them. Use this truth to make you determined to become independent and self-reliant. Finish college.
Got Questions? Ask Dr. Kim
How are your conversations going with your kids or parents? Ask me your questions here.